When I talked to my friends about girls, I seldom want to write this non-poetic poem

At many times, it's hard to really comprehend the way a girl think or feel.
They can say they are feeling cold but it means they are getting hot.
I mean a guy needs to really consider all options and answer possibilities when he has to answer a question as simple as "Do you want to eat a burger or a sausage?"
Now you think, what more will it take for that guy to answer the question of "When do you want to marry me?"
So, the point here is girl's thoughts and feelings are complicated.

But that's not the point. You see, the point can't always be about girls.
It is about guys too...
right?
So, many guys do love their women, really.
And as many guys want to see and make their women happy too.
However, a girl usually cannot take this understanding and locate it into her common sense.

When a guy stays with his friend, it does not mean he ignores you because he hates you.
And also please do not take it in a way that the guy likes to hang out with their friends more than hanging out with you.
It is to be understood, that unfair is a very simple, plain and meaningless word to be used when a girl ask if the guy likes to hang out with their friends more than with her. Because guys can not answer such statement.
You can not compare a cup of coffee to a can of coke.
While a can of coke offers you the joy and thrill of coolness during a sunny day, the cup of coffee gives you the feeling of elegance and warmth in your morning sip.

Hence people ask the question,
And many tried to provide answer to 'THE' question.
How to understand girls?
You can not. Simply.
How can you explain why the cloud is blue?

So what we can actually do is to write alphabets forming words.
Words creating sentences, sentences constructing paragraphs.
And paragraphs explaining nothing,
like this one.
Just to show that this nothing,
actually means a thing.

And if you read this until you arrive to this last paragraph of non-poem,
Could you please tell me, which one do you think symbolises a woman?
A can of coke or a cup of coffee?

-Peace out-

the unseen, can it be seen?

Smoke all over the room,

clothes, bags, shoes, books scattered

all these seen messiness

are as the feelings shattered.

Life's tough, good thing we can dream of a utopia.

The day when we smile humourlessly,

Frosting grass upon the terrain,

murky haze and somber weather,

accompanying blow of frigid wind,

gives a chill and shrilling pressure,

Like an omen it's telling us,

a great loss of such a loving heart,

in a split second it just came,

only another to destroy,

Oh this world and all the happening,

it's hard to see them as plain just,

but as it is to be obeyed,

as nothing can amend faith,

lest for one and that's we pray,

for rest in peace we hope he may.

EidulAdha came bringing history lessons of our two prophets to believers.

EidulAdha came bringing mournful news to a friend of mine.

This EidulAdha is the day when we smile humourlessly.

Al-Fatihah for Uncle Mohamad Rasidi, son of his mother Mek Stawar.

A personal letter to Tun Dr. Mahathir.

Tun Mahathir dimasukkan ke hospital di Melbourne kerana jangkitan kuman.

Upon hearing this news I was strucked by concern and fear. Fear of what? Of losing such a great mind and man which until now I believe, none in our beloved Malaysia is able surpass. I know that despite all the names they called you and all the slanders that have been circulating around, there are many more people who will be there to support you, as how you've been supporting Malaysia and especially the Malay community in all these years. You are a top class leader, a leader of your own class and we are lucky to have such a spirited leader like yourself. I pray for your fate and health. You are as what many describe you as the father of us, the Malaysians.

Dari hati ke hati

Jap 11.30 malam di Coventry. Cuaca diantara 8 - 15 darjah celcius menyelubungi perjalanan. Setelah terbang selama lebih 14 jam dan perjalanan train lebih 2 jam, aku sampai diEarlsdon. Rumah baru.

Dalam pada mengemas barang-barang dan bilik, aku buka kedua luggage yang dibawa dari Malaysia. Terlihat semuanya tersusun rapi didalam luggage membuat aku haru teringatkan mama yang tolong mengemas barang-barang aku hari tu. Terlihatkan bekal makanan, kuih raya dipacking cantik, rempah-ratus dilabel rapi.

Terlihatkan kek coklat buatan kain yang dikirim dari Bulan serta patung khas dari New Zealand.

Hmm, kadang aku selfish. Sampailah aku tersentak melihat realiti. Jikalaulah semua dicipta indah didunia, perhubungan dicipta menyayangi dan pertemuan dicipta untuk pertemuan berikutnya tanpa adanya perpisahan, tetapi dunia seperti tu dalam cerita fantasi saja.

Dengan harapan tahun depan masih ada mereka yang aku sayangi, terutama Nenek yang menjangkau pertengahan 70. Tak akan aku lupa ciuman buat dan dari nenek tatkala berhenti dirumah nenek sebelum menuju Sepang semalam.

Baru sekejap, mula merindui. Memang hati manusia selalu lemah diwaktu sunyi. Baru aku mengerti perasaan baba.

Biar hari ini aku disini cuba mengejar apa yang mampu aku capaikan. Kau berilah aku kegembiraan sebaiknya kerana memang semua milik Kau.

Selamat.

Balancing: Dunia dan Akhirat

Adakalanya aku akan duduk termenung sendirian dan berfikir. Apa yang aku ingin lakukan dalam hidup sebenarnya. Aku sukakan musik lalu aku ingin bermain musik. Aku sukakan senikata lalu aku ingin berpuisi. Aku sukakan cerita lalu aku ingin membuat filem. Aku suka membantu orang susah maka pernah aku terfikir untuk menjadi seorang yang berkuasa. Aku juga suka menulis lalu aku ingin menulis buku aku sendiri. Aku juga sayangkan keluarga dan rakan-rakan aku maka kerap kali aku ingin menjadi seorang yang selalu berdoa untuk mereka semuanya. Tetapi kerap kali aku diingatkan dan teringat yang dalam dunia, manusia ini diciptakan untuk beribadat kepada Allah swt. Ia macam berdiri ditengah-tengah jambatan halus yang mana kanannya ais dan kirinya api. Susah untuk aku. Aku tidak boleh menjadi sebaik ulama kerana ianya amat sukar bagi aku. Aku juga tidak mahu menjadi sejahat syaitan kerana aku tidak suka menyusahkan orang lain.

Maka hari ini aku berakad, aku mau berjaya didunia dan akhirat. Mungkin susah untuk aku menjadi seorang yang cemerlang dikedua-duanya kerana dunia dan akhirat saling berlawanan antara satu sama lain. Apa yang biru didunia adalah merah diakhirat. Jadi biarlah aku menjadi seorang yang diatas sederhana untuk kedua-dua alam. Melakukan apa yang aku suka di dunia tanpa menyusahkan diri sendiri diakhirat kelak. Memang susah bila aku punyai kepercayaan tentang akhirat. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya aku diberi peluang untuk percaya kepada sesuatu. Usah sampai peluang itu ditarik balik. Minta dijauhkan.

Aku mahu menulis buku. Sekadar untuk kepuasan agar nanti suatu hari kelak aku boleh tersenyum kepada diri aku sendiri dan berkata, "Hey, kau pernah menulis buku!" Dengan itu aku akan tersenyum didunia dan berharap agar senyuman itu tak akan menyusahkan diri aku diakhirat kelak.

*Anyone who knows how to juggle these 2 different balls at the same time without damaging either one or most importantly yourself, please step up.

Selamat.

Three random thoughts and One interpretation

1) It's funny to see that many of those who are great artists, writers who have the ability to put life in imagination and geniuses are if not emotionally unstable, are not as normal as how we defined normal in this life. Lots of stories I heard and read about all the suicides and murders. It's even more funny to discover how many of these many emotionally retarded people are not even known, at least not until after their death. Is it up to how they are accepted by the masses or how they want to be accepted? I mean, dying to be in the 27 club, the thought is cool but it's cooler to have lived and give back something to the people who loved you. The irony is did they die for the mass or did the mass killed them as entertainment?

2) If we're bright enough to notice, this world evolves around the same thing like before. In whatever businesses we have, we can learn to live out of the primitives age yet we can't ever take the primitives out of us. The saying is kind of truthful in its meaning.

3) These are ways to interpret life. To show to the mass, how they live life and how they see it. They're beautiful but sometimes scary. Meaningful yet sometimes dull. But the best thing about it is that no one has ever succeeded in showing people what is all about life. That's why it's becoming more of an item that catches interests.

*Love is a word often misinterpreted. For some loving is about kissing, hugging and caressing each others private part tenderly, this is how the term make love was found. For some love is all about taking care of each other and being there for the better half in good and bad times, this is how we learn that men are from mars and women are from venus. I could never define how i understood love, perhaps I've never learn to understand it. The dumb part about this is it's harder for us to see, love is not for only two people.

Selamat.

Radiohead - High and Dry

Kadang, aku malas dah. Hate this feeling when I used to not care.

*Never a band is like a Radiohead

Kesengsaraan dan ekonomi, Emo: Mineral - unfinished

Selamat sejahtera keatas kamu,

Makin lama makin banyak yang dipelajari. Satu hari berjuta huruf ditelaah dan masuk dalam kepala otak. Ajaibnya otak ni tak pecah-pecah walau bergantang-gantang ilmu dicurahkan masuk. Nikmat Allah nak bagi, syukur kepada Allah.

Semakin lama aku makin memahami kenapa manusia ni sengsara. Sejak dulu sampai sekarang. Kenapa walau ada puak yang senang, mengapa lebih ramai lagi yang melarat. Mengapa wujudnya musik-musik, puak-puak anti establishment. Mengapa jarang-jarang orang berpuas hati dengan apa yang ada. mengapa konsep kerajaan dipertengahkan. Apa maksud indie yang dilaung-laungkan oleh brader umur 14 tahun pakai baju kotak-kotak rambut sikat tepi ala noh hujan.

Kalau ikut ugama, dikatakan ini semua sebab iblis yang menghasut manusia untuk berbalah dan tak bersyukur pada Allah. Aku tak nafikan. Aku bersetuju.

Tapi dari segi yang lebih tangible, aku faham yang semua kesengsaraan adalah kerana ekonomi. Dunia sekian lama digerakkan atas dasar ekonomi. Manusia hidup sekarang dipengaruhi ekonomi. berapa ramai yang akan bunuh diri jika tiba-tiba bangun tidur dan dapati diri dia muflis tak ada apa? Sudah ramai.

Kita dibodohkan atas dasar ekonomi. Duit. Branding. Semua perbezaan dibuat melalui kekuatan ekonomi. Elitist mesti kaya. Raja mesti kaya. Jutawan bertambah kaya. Marhaen hidup bersaing untuk material. Mahukan material perlukan duit. Tapi apa bezanya material zara Rm120 dengan material made in china Rm5.90? Kenapa berperang, bermati-matian untuk lebih kemewahan walhal yang mau ditutup tetap badan yang dalam isinya sama. Beza kemudahan dan kemewahan perlu kita gariskan sekarang. Kita kena tau, sebab untuk perlakuan kita.

Kawan aku kata, "Aku ikut fesyen, tapi bukan hamba branding." Sekurang-kurangnya tidak bermati-matian mau memerah keringat untuk berzara atau berburbery tapi tetap stylo walau tak makan durian (nak juga masuk)

Dan paling teruk sekali bila kita dalam tak langsung, sedang bermewah-mewah atas kesengsaraan orang lain. Siapa pandai dia cemerlang. Siapa cepat dia dapat. Yang tak dapat macam mana? mau dibunuh?

Apa yang kita perlukan bukan satu sistem sama daripada segala macam ideologi dan fahaman. Tapi apa yang kita perlukan adalah semangat berkongsi. Segala yang ada, kongsi. Biar lihat pada keperluan dan kemudahan. bukannya kemewahan yang perlu diTuhankan.

Biar ada apa ugama sekalipun, kita percaya apa yang kita percaya. aku percaya pada tuhan yang satu, Allah dan Muhammad rasulnya. Itu kepercayaan aku. Kau percaya apa? dia percaya apa? Dan semua kepercayaan itu memang berbeza. Yang satukan adalah semangat berkongsi kita. Dalam hidup, yang kita perlukan adalah teman dan kasih sayang. Ekonomi perlu dipaksikan pada kecukupan, keperluan dan kemudahan. Nescaya mudahlah dunia. Nescaya terpaksilah apa yang benar seperti diceritakan selama ini.

Tapi seperti yang aku kata dalam entri sebelum ni. "My heart is always raging to escape. To find this infinite theory of escape."

We can't never escape with sense of mutualness, as we can never achieve it with all these different ideologies and our biggest enemy. Yet, it's never too late to be fulfilled with sense of mutualness within ourselves. Start small.

*If you got what I mean, this song is for you,



I wish you could put your ear up to my heart
And hear how much I love you
I still dream of December
Dancing together with rings on our fingers
And the two shall become

Selamat.

Post-rock: The Only Moment We Were Alone (EiTS)

too brokenhearted,
too weak to mobilize,
too much hatred in the world,
too vague to understand.

Time like this,

There will come a time when my doubt is at the fullest

When I start to argue my trust for you

The time where the sky is always cloudy

and the moon hiding from my sight

This is when faith is being played

by hesitation, distrust

and scepticism

As I always said, I am me

I will always be me

it's now your turn

to put some action and show me,

What will you do when time like this comes.

mood: uncertain.

26/12/2009

They were there.

There was the whistleman. Whistling like a bird.

There was the balloonman. Crowded by littluns.

There was a sausage van. A refreshment stand.

There were many languages spoken.

Many races past by.

Many different styles. Fashions too.

There were families. Couples. And loners.

Laughters, arguments filled the air.

Thrilled child pulling his father.

There were leafless trees. Dead but alive.

Many hugs. Many kisses,

yet also frowns.

It was very cold. Yet it was warm.

There was an old couple.

The man patiently help his wife to walk,

and she's using a stick.

There was a gothic couple.

Music was in the air,

when the red indians rhyme their flutes.

Humans and pigeons and everylife else.

A mom was feeding her baby.

There was the sun,

bright sun.

And there was me,

sitting alone with a can of coke.

Watching, or reading.

There were no books nor any phrases.

It was very cold. Yet very warm.

*I broke my guitar. =(

Now, it's the meaning of life. Right?

The train I'm riding is slipping off its rail. Yet to crush but it's slipping. I can feel. I know it is. I'm seeing it's slipping off. Away from its rail. What is there for me if it slips? and crash?

It's time to take a few deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Look around. Watch everything and start learning from life again. We can never have all the things we want. I learned that. It's okay to learn it again.

Not grateful. Not expressing gratitude. Not looking on the bright side. Not everything positive.

In need of you around me. Close to me.

Mood: Homesick. In need of inspiration. Standing in front of a mirror with an unaffordable item.

*Well, it's Christmast and it's winter. Why shouldn't I be. Are you with me?

Cubit peha kiri, peha kanan terasa.

Selalunya di saat-saat kritikal kita sering hilang pertimbangan. Di saat-saat paling penting kita lupa bernafas lalu kita jatuh. Di saat-saat akhir kita tidak sedar apa yang kita buat ini salah. Sehinggalah semuanya sudah berlalu. Baru kita nak perasan apa yang kita buat itu tidak betul.

Kerana ini semualah kita memerlukan keluara dan rakan yang memahami kita. Mereka mampu membuatkan kita berfikir semula. "Yang aku buat ni, betul ke?". Mereka mampu mengingatkan kita untuk bernafas semula secara tenang dan membuat keputusan berdasarkan rasionaliti. Kata-kata daripada mereka jugalah yang memberikan kita pilihan demi pilihan untuk kita pilih.

Kerena ini jugalah aku amat pantang kalau ada orang yang ganggu famili aku. Yang ganggu rakan2 baik aku. Orang yang aku sayangi. Selagi aku boleh aku akan jaga. Macam mereka jaga aku.

Tapi tak selalunya benda macam apa yang kita nak. Tak semuanya mampu kita jaga. Adakala aku rasa tak sampai kuatnya aku nak jaga semuanya. Tapi kalau hari ini tak dapat. Esok lusa aku akan cari balik orang tu.

Dunia sekarang makin tak boleh dipercayai. Semua keliling kita perlu diawasi. Berwaspada. Jangan mudah percaya. Biarpun berkawan, perlu berhati-hati. Sedangkan depan mata aku sendiri, kawan yang dari kecil berkawan bergaduh bila dewasa. Famili bercerai berai. Inikan orang-orang yang kita baru kenali?

Jangan risau. Biar hari ini kalau kita susah. Kita jatuh. Aku percaya semuanya ada maknanya. Kita boleh berwaspada tapi bala kalau nak datang, datang juga. Dah tepis sekali, kali kedua tak kena. Akan jatuh juga kita. Tapi aku tahu, hidup macam roda. Ada kala di bawah. ada kala di atas. Macam mana pun kau tolak aku, kau tolak dia ke bawah. Satu hari nanti kami akan naik semula ke atas. Saat itu kau pula akan merasa. Pandangan seorang yang jatuh dari bawah.

*Dunia ini ramai orang yang bermacam perangai. Kita perlu pandai-pandai jaga diri saja.

Selamat.