Thursday, November 25, 2010

Political Ideologies explained in 15 minutes

You herd your landlord's cow and get some milk in return.

Pure Socialism
You have two cows, the government takes and manages all the cows and give you milk in return.

Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the gov took from the farmers. You'll need to fill up 3 different coloured forms to request for chicken-feed, cows milk and meat. You'll be put into the waiting list and after a minimum period of 2 weeks or maximum period of God-knows-when, you'll get the reply saying, 'Please attach 2 passport size photos for identification and resend your application' and it goes on.

You have two cows. The government takes all, hires you to take care of them and sell the milk to you.

Wrongly Interpreted Communism
You have two cows. The government demands your cows, if you said 'you don't have any' they'll make you their cows. If you give them your cows, they'll ask for more and you'll have to say 'you don't have any' and then they'll make you their cows.

Chinese Post-Communism
You can only have one cow in your whole insignificant life. If the cow died when you're old, suck it up and learn to live with it. it's just your fate.

Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The gov takes both and kills you.

You have two cows. The gov takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

You have two cows. You hire someone to feed, herd, sell and make fortunes from your cows. You pay that someone a glass of milk every month and tax 25% of the milk.
you don't have cows. So you can't have cows as you have no cows to put up as collateral damage to get loans from the bank to buy cows. Hence in the end you only have one choice, to become that someone who got hired and paid a glass of milk that got taxed.
Tax money might be used to better the cow farm's environment so the cow owner get more profits and cow herder get better working conditions.

Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you get to sell the cows at reasonable price or you get killed and your cows stolen by your neighbour.

Malaysian Style Democracy
You have two cows. Two things can happen.
If you're a crony, you can get tax-exemption for having cows, you can get more cows, you can get to sell your cow milks or meats at fixed high price or you can get to build the highest and biggest cow farm project.
If you're not a crony, you might be charged for trying to sodomise your cows or you get to start your 'anti mega cow farm' agenda.

UK Style Democracy
You have two cows. You have all the freedom and access to demand for more cows or better quality cows or better quality of cows feed and health treatment. But the government don't really care and aren't really listening to your opinions. They will still cut cow subsidisation and ask you to pay more to learn how to breed cows.
And those who work like cows to earn two cows are asked to pay one and a half cows as tax while those who doesn't have cows, get free meat and drinks every day. It's called 'benefits'



  1. LOL! i love it when you make boring stuffs more entertaining. 'hail' to malaysian democracy!

  2. Avid: Took them from the net. Altered some and created a few others to suit my thoughts. but they're so true in many ways. ;D

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